thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
