I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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