I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize