Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
