I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
