Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's blow job season.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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