You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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