haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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