i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
