One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize