Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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