So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
