i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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