listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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