then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The dick lei will go down in squad history
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
