How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My feet surprised me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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