Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
