sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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