She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
