There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
