I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
