You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Randomize
