the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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