I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
