that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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