Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
