shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
