I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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