just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
