Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
