You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
