i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
