I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You are the jesus of drinking
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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