Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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