I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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