I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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