If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
