i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
