I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
