arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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