I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
