My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
