I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
