Dude my mom stole all your condoms
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
