hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
