Duck Duck Cougar?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
