Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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