It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
