she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
