the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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