Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
