My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He felt like a one man threesome
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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