she was so not down for the gang bang
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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