I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
