I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
