p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
