Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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