i think i have herpe
just one?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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