I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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