I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
