Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize