alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
