Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
