So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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