Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
