Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
