I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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