Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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