I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
